I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you in so long. I feel like I’ve been lost, no bearings, no compass. I kept crashing into things, a little crazy, I guess. I’ve never been lost before. You were my true north. I could always steer for home when you were my home. Forgive me for being so angry when you left. I still think some mistakes been made and i’m waiting for God to take it back. but I’m doing better now. The work helps me. Most of all, you help Me. You came into my dream last night, with that smile, that always held me like a lover, rocked me like a child. All I remember from the dream is a feeling of peace. I woke up with that feeling and tried to keep it alive as long as I could. I’m writing to tell you that I m on a journey towards that peace. And to tell you I’m sorry about so many things. I’m sorry I didn’t take better care of you, so you never spent a minute being cold or scared or sick. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to find the words to tell you what I was feeling. I’m sorry I never fixed the screen door. I fixed it now. I m sorry I ever fought with you. I’m sorry I didn’t apologize more. I was too pround. I’m sorry I didn’t bring you more compliments on everything you wore and every way you fixed your hair. I’m sorry I didn’t hold on to you with so much strength that even God couldn’t pull you away.
There isn’t an hour without you in it. I mend the boats, test them, and all the while the memories come in like the tide. I thought today of when we were young and you left our world for a bigger world. I was a lot more scared than I would admit. I fought my fear by telling myself you d come back someday and trying to think of the first thing I d say when I saw you again. I must have tried 100 possibilities. What did I finally say? not much. My mouth wouldn’t work, except to kiss you. When you said ’I m here to stay’ that said it all. well, I m doing it again. I keep imagining what I d say to you if somehow you come back … To all the ships at sea and all the ports of call, to my family and to all my friends and strangers:This is a message and a prayer. the message is that my travels taught me a great truth. I already had what everyone is searching for and few ever find. the one person in the world who I was born to love forever. A person like me of the Outer banks and the blue Atlantic mystery. A person rich in simple treasures, self-made, self-taught. a harbor where I am forever home, and no wind or trouble, or even a little death can knock down this house. The prayer is that everyone in the world can know this kind of love and be healed by it. If my prayer is heard, then there will be an erasing of all guilt, and all regret, and an end to all anger.
My life began when I found you, and I thought it had ended when I failed to save you. I thought that hanging on to your memory was keeping us both alive. but I was wrong. A woman named Theresa showed me that. If I was brave enough to open my heart, I could love again, no matter how terrible my grief. she made me realize I was only half-alive. It scared me and it hurt. I didn’t know how much I needed her till the night she flew away. when the airplane took off, I felt something inside me tear away. and I knew, I should have stopped her, i should have followed her home. and now tomorrow I m going to sail to the windy point, and I m going to say goodbye to you. then I m going to this woman and see if I can win her heart. if I can, i know you ll bless me, and bless us all. If I can’t, then I m still blessed because I ve had the privilege of loving twice in my life. She gave me that. And if I tell you I love her as much as I loved you, then you ll know the whole story.
Your eyes whispered “have we met?” Across the room your silhouette Starts to make it’s way to me The playful conversation starts Counter all your quick remarks Like passing notes in secrecy
This night is sparkling, don’t you let it go I’m wonderstruck, blushing all the way home I’ll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you
This is me praying that This was the very first page Not where the story line ends My thoughts will echo your name Until I see you again These are the words I held back As I was leaving too soon I was enchanted to meet you